Saturday, March 1, 2014

Why we didn't blog about the Winter Olympics

The what you ask... The olympics I say.

While thousands of hard dicked journalists with their bosses thumbs rammed up their butts were writing about the olympics, the four writters were not. Why you ask... because we give a fuck. Not about the olympics, but about you (Our one and probably ONLY reader). We don't want you to be drowned in national jizz pride as thousands of loose collared slaves wave their ugly flags in your face cheering on some random loser with a few muscles and a winter coat.

Nah mate.

You deserve better. You deserve constipated swimmer face


Thursday, December 1, 2011

There's a disease spreading on the Interweb

There is a place lost internet travelers go to hangout and melt their brains with random Justin Bibbler, or "Cat playing with yarn" videos, or any other brain cell zapping visual excrement, that isn't censored by regional or international laws that were created because some closest fag with a $200 business suite and a $20,000 degree he ordered online, was angry he couldn't get it hard for his cop boyfriend he met at some random court case, so he decided to write some laws to fuck with other peoples shit.

The place I'm talking about is youtube (no capitalization necessary) and the disease spreading over it is highly contagious. The most common symptom is an uncontrollable urge to point out how many people disliked a video and write a funny and short little whip about how those "8 people are more Abomination than ObamaNation", or them "13 panty waists should go pet their cats", or those "4 losers wouldn't know good music if it walked up to them and man-handled their package".

It's an emotionally tragic thing to see someone with the disease, suffering before your eyes, oozing their juices of pathetic hate filled comments all over the recently washed sheets of the internet, knowingly infecting other low functioning infantile. A feeling of helplessness seizes a person. It's hard to know how to deal with it or help someone, but I now realize, after writing this post, which is at the highest level of patheticnessism, I've been infected and can't control the convulsions anymore.

Friday, May 13, 2011

pics

These pictures can be ignored. I just needed a place to upload them.


Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Dr Carnasis's Texas Hold'em Strategy and Tips:


Poker, namely Texas Hold'em Poker is my favorite game. I am not a fish by any means but I am not the best at the game either. I have some pretty poor strategies I learned from playing in home games and I believe I am actually a worse player than I was when I didn't know anything. I am not going to go into the basics of the game, there is thousand of websites and books on this subject but like Golf is my father's favorite game, Texas Hold'em is mine.

Hold'em Poker is a game of concentration and of facts, there is no room for assumption, presumption or fear. Though some would disagree with me, I find I do best when I just follow logic and strategy. Now there is some confusion on what I call facts. Facts are not always emperial, a fact is like in chess I can create a trap and it will work 9 out of 10 times, but there is always that 1 time where someone will figure away out of it or actually have a hand worth playing. I feel good though when I pull off a trap and rake in the chips.

So here is Dr.Carnasis's Texas Hold'em Strategy and Tips:

The goal is to take as many chips as possible without losing any chips of your own. Do not play every hand, only play hands you are confident in winning.

Best combinations (suited and not suited): AA AK AQ AJ KK KQ KJ QQ QJ JJ.

Second best combinations are any face card and kicker which are suited, any suited connector (example: 10♠9♠ or 4♥,5♥).

Alright so these are the hands you have before the flop. I hold the strategy of check raising and this means that on what most people would raise, I would check or call. In the reverse, I will raise on certain hands which most people would check. So here are the following scenario's in which I would check or raise: I would check AA AK KK QQ off the flop and call any bets made; I would raise before the flop JJ.

Now depending on the Flop, I will bet or check.

Now here is a hint, unless you have a gut feeling your card is coming, look at the flop and play off the flop. So an example of this would be. You are dealt Q♣ 10♣ and nobody raised on the flop, depending on your place from the dealer, watch to see if anyone checks or raises and if they raise stare them down to make sure they were not check raising before the flop. So let us say that nobody bets on the flop, you need to steal the blind. Now do not steal the blind if you don't have it, but you cannot let the turn or river come up because nobody has a hand. So the flop comes up Q♠ 9♣ 3♥, you have the winning hand on the table. It doesn't matter if someone has an A♣ 9♠, you have the winning hand with a pair of Queens over his pair of nines. Now do not bet all in, bet double to triple the blind, it will remove all those who are chicken on the hand but it won't put you broke if someone has a K♥Q♥ because they have a higher kicker than you. However by this time you are hoping that anyone with any high non-paired card has folded. Chances are they did.

Next the flop turns a 8♣. Now you look at your outs. You have a pair of Queens but have a flush draw and now even a straight draw showing up. By pot and match odds, you have a 70% chance of winning this just by the cards themselves. Now of course everyone will realize that you are running for a straight or flush, so I would check to see what the other players are doing or go confident hoping that you get a Jack or club. So I would redo the same bet as I did before the turn. It will knock out most people, but that guy with K♥Q♥ he won't raise you however, because he is thinking you might have hit your straight or have an Ace Queen (a higher kicker).

Now the River comes up an A♥ missing your flush and straight. This is where observation becomes part of the game. Did the guy with the K♥Q♥ fold his hand before? Has he ever been caught in his bluff? If you know he won't call you when he thinks you might have the Ace, I would bet triple the last bet confidently, I would pause for a moment so that the player can see what is playing and then smilingly I would raise because no matter what calling or checking will force my loss. I have only one play to make. He would not call that knowing you have the Ace but he might. That is why I said sometimes the trap doesn't work if the guy has a good hand. Though this person will notice that his pair of queens cannot play against an ace.

Anyways, I usually make it to the top 20 in most poker games and in private games I am usally first or second place.

Well I have more to say about this, but I would love to hear anyone's comments because the last tip I find to be the best is, there are many ways to play the game. There is no single strategy that works and the more strategies you have the more chances of winning you get.

Monday, April 18, 2011

You know when you are bored of your work. By Dr. Carnasis


A cold wind seems to blow right through me, as I sit waiting. When will my shift be over? My stomach begins to rumble and I feel my throat grow clammy as nausea overcomes me. When, oh when will that end buzzer sound? A piercing tingle penetrates my bones... is that person looking at me... there is nobody there. It has been a long day, when will the whistle blow? Closing my eyes, it is all I can see: the repetitious building, strategy points, algorithms, and continuous clicking. The clock says 5pm, but I don't get off until 8pm.

Saturday, April 16, 2011

Aliens are people too - Dr. Carnasis


If you ever bump into a black cloud in your future, always remember to say, "hello" to it. The reason? It could be an alien ship housing a bunch of alien entities ready to make first contact with us. If you are prejudice, shoot the black cloud, or even deny it human social interaction, you will miss out on a great experience.

For me, I imagine that should I make contact with these black cloud aliens, that they would be friendly and reach out and share with me their secrets and their technology. I see myself ignoring the warnings of my fellow human compatriots, even as they hold me back from coming into a reasonable distance of this black bubbling dark mass just in case that it may be deadly, or some black-hole vortex that would suck me in.

I touch it regardless and the most beautiful being emerges. At first, it appears to be a puppy but then slowly transforms into another innocent image of a child but as it gains my trust, I see through the facade and see the Grey for what it is, a big bug eyed thin limbed extra terrestrial from the planet Zeon [or Zion, I really don't understand the pronunciation].

It blesses my trust and faith, and shares with me some of their secrets. I would be recognized for my efforts after I patent the technologies it reveals, and sell them to the world. Cha-Ching!



Next time you see a strange intra-dimensional phenomena being, ET, star-traveler, or alien, just remember, they are people too and they yearn for social and emotional contact just as the rest of humanity. Everyone aboard the USS Friendship.

-------------------------
About Dr. Carnasis. Dr. Carnasis is a NEW blogger for the Four Writters Club, for now, that is all you get!

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Car Keys, Where art thou?




I lost my god damn rental car keys! I need to drive to the city, yet Allah the mighty has stranded me at home. Why should you care? Because this is all your fault! You should have told me to pay more attention to where I put my keys. I've tore my whole house apart in search of this little pointy obtrusive object that's made from $3 of metal and plastic. Something so cheap and small, yet its purpose is so great that the entire modern world crumbles when it goes missing.

There's only a few things that really drive me fucking nuts. The first obviously is losing my car keys. The other things are going though airport security and going to the dentist. Every time I go to the dentist they whimper and whine that I need to brush my teeth more. Once a weeks, apparently isn't enough to satisfy the 9 out of 10 dentists who recommend brushing after every meal. Well, I fucking get it, but it's hard! Brushing takes time and effort and it also takes toothpaste and every fucking time I go through airport fucking security they confiscate my toothpaste. I don't know what to do anymore. If I could, I would go to the store and buy more toothpaste but I don't have a car to drive anymore.


Sunday, February 27, 2011

The whole situation of "seeing people" before dating people -bb shenanigans

Now today I thought I would take a break from the fiction sundae and take a bite of reality beefcakes.
First of all, I thought if you liked someone and you went out for coffee or something it meant that you are going out with that person, but I was recently corrected because apparently you need to go out multiple times and actually have some talk about where you guys are at. Anyways, Recently I have been seeing two separate women (not at same time) but both situations were different because in one situation I felt little or nothing, and in this current situation I think that she feels little or nothing.
If we divide these people into both the "wanted" person and the "wanter" person, I want to talk about the "wanted" person. See, they are put in this unique position where they can hold the "wanter" person at arms length and watch as they try to gain your affection. They are able to scout out the situation and see if they can get anything out of this person without fear of emotional consequences. Now, in most situations this happens for a very limited period of time because the "wanted" simply blows the other person off and says they dont want to be with the "wanter". With this girl who wanted me, I might have waited a bit too long before I gave her the bad news which sucks for her, but I took my time anyway.. (we are talking like a week or 2) Anyways now there is this girl who I like, and she is giving me signals now that are not unlike ones I gave to this other girl.
Who knows what will happen.
I just wanted to share my experience of being both the champ and the chump..

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Frosty

Greg ran out of the room, relieved at last that class was over. It was Medieval History, an intro class which was elementary for the likes of Greg. Through the hall he zoomed, oblivious of the nearby students and teachers at first giving curious looks, then scrambling to get out of his way. The doors flew open and Greg breathed in a mouthful of fresh mountain air. It was all so perfect; the previous night of heavily flaked snowfall made the campus look like, well it made it look like a God was about to snort a blanket of cocaine off of campus. But that is not what made this field; this perfectly placed field in the middle of three campus buildings, perfect. It was the temperature. So warm was it out that Greg knew that even a few hours of sun had turned that light fluffy stuff into weapons of mass destruction. Greg wasted no time; he dropped his jacket, backpack, and binoculars and proceeded to pull out his MEC pump up gloves from his backpack. He ran out into the middle of the field and started to make his first snowball of the season. The classes were still changing, so Greg had no trouble finding targets walking on the outskirts of the field, walking to other buildings.

Greg enjoyed lobbing the snowballs for his first four throws or so because he liked the ricochet fire it created when he got a direct hit and the fact that they couldn't see it coming. His first two shots missed, merely splashing the concrete and scuffling up some shoes but his next snowball hit a girl square on the head and the resulting splash got some snow in her friends eye, not unlike the Kennedy assassination. She went down, but there were many more. The rowing team had noticed this lone figure in the snow, this defiant rule breaker, and determined that he must conform to the laws of society, and walk the concrete.

On to the field they walked, shouting profanities and incoherent sentences like "stop throwing snowballs" and "shes unconscious!", but soon they were scrambling for cover all the same. Greg had anticipated confrontation and began his "super strider" throw, which was like a curveball except it was straight. His methods were fluid and as one, his accuracy precise. One of his striders downed a rower as he ran for cover, screaming for his teammates to help him.

By now people had began stopping their zombie-like walks to class and started looking at the action on the field. Some were amused, others were tending the wounded, but a growing number of students and faculty alike began taking steps on the field with malicious intent stapled to their eyes. Bags were thrown down, sleeves were rolled up, and within seconds the inner court yard of St. Bethany's College was filled with chaos.

Greg was amused, then soon horrified at the scene which was unfolding. Here he stood facing 100 opponents with nowhere to hide and not chance to surrender, else he be deemed a coward. Greg packed and threw furiously as the mob determinedly approached. A small few fell, but even most of those got back up leaving their fallen brethren behind. Some never fell at all, even with direct hits. Greg saw one speed ball fly past a gymnast who barely dodged and hit a brute of a man square in the face, after which he simply spit out a tooth and actually smiled at him. Greg had been taking hit all along, but the pain was started to get to him. His whole body was getting painted with balls of vengeance. One ice ball hit him square in the head and brought him to his knees, but just as the crowd began to cheer he was back up and throwing like a maniac, laying to waste the three who were closest to him. One clipped his pelvis which turned him into another deathball which hit him square in the throat. Chocking, Greg dropped his snowballs and threw up his hands making a "T". "Timeut, ICahaannt breth" Greg said as he looked around, searching for sympathy. Their eyes remained neutral, but the snowball fury had stopped. Greg's heart was raised, The battle is done
he thought and what a battle it was..
Greg never even saw the snowball which reignited the vengeance which was plain on everyone's face. Pain coursed through his body as he curled into the fetal position, as he was literally being buried by all the snow that was being flayed on him. A single tear ran down his face as he turned to look up at the sky, this beautiful sky which had produced the snow which was now killing him. The view was blocked by one face, than another, and soon all he could see were these people; these people who used to be his friends and colleagues. Now they looked with hate upon him. Some moved out of the way to let in the biggest women he had ever seen. She was carrying over her head a clump of snow and ice equal to at least half her body weight. As she threw it down on Him, Greg screamed.

Greg awoke to the sound of muffled voices, and a soft beeping sound. He could barely open his eyes, but he could make out a doctor speaking to a suited man. "I can't allow this to happen" the doctor was saying to the suited man, "its too risky". "Whuh whats going on? do whuu what?" Greg mumbled through swollen lips. The doctor looked startled, went over to the bed and injected something into the IV. "Sleep" he said, and Greg began to drift off to sleep again.

Something did not feel right when he woke. He felt Cold all over his body. He felt numb, and almost nerveless. Am i alive? is it this cold because I'm dead? Greg thought as he opened his eyes. At first he thought he was still dreaming because as he looked over his body it was all white. A large ball of snow lay where his legs used to, and a smaller snowball had replaced his mid section. He looked over at horror at the branches which now moved as his arms once had. "It was the only way to keep you alive" a man in a business suit said. Startled, Greg looked over at the man towering over him. "I don't understand" Greg stammered "how is all this possible?". "That is not something you need to concern yourself with yet" replied the man, "But right now you need to rest so we can do some more tests".
"No!" Greg screamed as he tore the machines which were connected to all over his body. He pushed the man aside and slid onto the ground. It would have been hard to move had the floor not been tile and he slid across the hospital hallways at a ferocious pace. As he got to the front entrance, the floor getting slippery behind him, he had one thing, and one thing only in mind; Vengeance.

Monday, January 31, 2011

Bots are fun sometimes..

I was just on Hotmail, and i got a chat message from a very forward lady. I had nearly fallen in love before some things started to fall apart. Here it is...

LamonicaMccrohanirsuo@hotmail.com
Favorite
http://www.yourprivateshow.com/dbcu
LamonicaMccrohanirsuo@hotmail.com says:
looking for a sweet and caring guy

Ryan McNaughton says:
thats me!
LamonicaMccrohanirsuo@hotmail.com says:
Hello there.. My name is Kat..

Ryan McNaughton says:
hi!
LamonicaMccrohanirsuo@hotmail.com says:
I love chatting with new people.. Would you like to chat today? Where are you from?

Ryan McNaughton says:
canada
and you?
LamonicaMccrohanirsuo@hotmail.com says:
Nice Im 21 .. Can i ask you a question?
Do you like big booty girls with big tits? lol seriously cuz thats what ppl tell me i have..Is that too much for you to handle?

Ryan McNaughton says:
i dont know
maybe
LamonicaMccrohanirsuo@hotmail.com says:
so yea i'm lonely would you like to have some kinky fun? Would you like to see me?

Ryan McNaughton says:
no
maybe
how can i see you?
LamonicaMccrohanirsuo@hotmail.com says:
ok but i have no pictures on my laptop.. but i have a video camera that came with it :-)

Ryan McNaughton says:
oh, this could get interesting
LamonicaMccrohanirsuo@hotmail.com says:
lol ok goto http://www.yourprivateshow.com/ddqrand we can go 1 on 1 chat. Just accept the invite on the page baby

Ryan McNaughton says:
woah, i could get in trouble for this
LamonicaMccrohanirsuo@hotmail.com says:
Don't worry baby its free to join this site, read the page, they just need to verify ur age

Ryan McNaughton says:
let me ask my mom
LamonicaMccrohanirsuo@hotmail.com says:
I'll do anything you want me to do.. Do you see me? I can't chat with you on the site till you register :-(

Ryan McNaughton says:
she says you are an evil person, against Gods will.. does that mean we can still be friends?
LamonicaMccrohanirsuo@hotmail.com says:
i'll be waiting for you! Goto http://www.yourprivateshow.com/ddbhand accept the invite, its free!


Some women are just impossible...